Tag! You're It!

"I'm gonna tag you."

"Huh?"

"I'm gonna tag you on my blog. You need to tell the world 5 answers to my questions."

"Buat apa?"

"Because that's what bloggers do."

"That's what noobie bloggers do."

"And..."

"Ohohohoooo... Sarcasm isn't very becoming of you, babe."

"You WILL answer my tag. Or else..."

"Or else apa? Hehehe..."

"Or else I'll... I'll... I'll..."

" Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock..."

"Shut up! I'm thinking..."

"Loobootin."

"Neekay."

I Is Hungry Also

"I'm hungry."

"Ok. Jom pegi makan. You nak makan apa?"

"Anything..."

"Ok. Kita pergi 14 nak? Mee udang."

"Tak nak lah. We've had that last week."

"Oooookaaaayyy... Kalau char koay teow? Kat KJ?"

"Hmmm... Not in the mood for fried stuff."

"Banana leaf curry?"

"Too heavy la."

"Ok. Ok... Kita pegi Kampung Baru. Makan nasi padang."

"Fattening nye... Tak nak lah."

"Sushi?"

"I want something that's been cooked."

"Habis tu nak makan apa? Tadi you cakap anything."

"Ok. Ok. I nak makan... Nak makannnn... Hold on. Let me think..."

"Anything kunon..."

"Shut up! I'm thinking..."

Oh What A Tangled Web We Weave

[Tell me the truth! I tembam ke?]

[Tak lah. U cute.]

[Tipu!]

[Ye la]

[Yes I'm tembam or yes I'm cute?]

[Cute]

[Betul?]

[Betul]

[:)]

[Jom pegi McD lepas ni]

[I nak choc sundae]

[Tau. :p]

[And what's that supposed to mean???]

[U cute]

Oh Pocot Mak Kau #3 : Omaigodomaigodomaigod!

[Have you read it?]

[Link yang you email tadi ke?]

[Yup. Dah baca?]

[I suka pantun dia.]

[Me too.]

[You suap, I tembam. Hahahaha...]

[What? You think I'm fat laa tu.]

[Sori. GTG. Ada meeting.]

[Neekay!]

[Loobootin!]

Pick-Up Lines : Atau Benda-Benda Patetik Yang Menyedihkan

"What's the worst pick-up line that you've ever heard?"

"What?"

"Pick-up line yang paling teruk you pernah dengar."

"Ok. Ok. Kejap... Let me think."

"Banyak sangat ke?"

"Ummm... Yaaa... I've heard lots!"

"Ooookaaayyy..."

"Ok. Ok. Pretend you're me, ok."

"Right."

"Can you help me out? I'm lost. Can you show me the way?"

"The way? Where?"

"To your heart."

"Maaaaaaaak oiiiiiii!"

"I know... Hahahahaha... Ok. Ok. Pretend you're me again."

"Ada lagi? Okay."

"You boleh tolong tunjuk kan jalan tak?"

"Jalan?"

"Jalan ke hati you."

"Gila rempit!"

"Hahahahahaha... You want to know who used that line?"

"Siapa?"

"You la."

Oh Pocot Mak Kau! #2 : Atau Mengapa Aku Kena Lebih Berhati-Hati Kerana Informer Mereka Berada Di Mana-Mana Sahaja

Post aku semalam telah membuat sorang zombie-groupie/fangirl dari grup 'Kami Peminat Tegar Akademi Fantasia' a.k.a 'KAMPEITAI' menghantar sms benci ke telefon bimbit aku.

[Kitorang PEMINAT OK!!! FAN!!! Bukan zombie-groupie!!!]

[Babe... Cousin gila you tengah guna fon you.]

[Babe kunon! Uweeeeek...]

...

[Sorry. Was at the kitchen just now. I promise I'll kill her after dinner]

[I tolong boleh?]

[:p]

Oh Pocot Mak Kau! : Atau Jangan Minum Di Depan Keyboard Sebab Keyboard Yang Basah Tidak Akan Berfungsi Dengan Baik

[Did you read that article?]

[Artikel apa?]

[I e-mailed you a link just now. Did you read it?]

[Belum. Kenapa?]

[Read it.]

[Artikel tu pasal apa?]

[Trust me. It's funny. :)]

[Ok. Tunggu jap.]

...

[Hahahahahahaha!!!]

The Horror! The Horror!

"Cerita lain takde ke?"

"Come on... It will be fun. All my friends have seen it."

"Tipu..."

"Mei and Lynn even said they wanted to see it again."

"Ye ke?"

"They all went yesterday. They said it was HILARIOUS!"

"Nope."

"Pleeeeeeaaaaassseeeee... I'll pay for the tickets. My treat..."

"Baik tengok 'Valentine's Day'."

"We can go see that movie next week."

"But..."

"Puuuhhhllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssseeee..."

"Oh God..."

Aku, Sebuah Lori Pickup dan Satu Kugiran Amatur di Majlis Kenduri Kahwin : Atau Satu Perbualan Pendek Di Jalan Kuching

"I'm sooo tired. Hmmm... Why are we slowing down?"

"Ada accident kot."

"Damn... Why hasn't your boss fixed the radio yet? I'm soooo bored."

"Nyanyi la something."

"You're so corny sometimes, you know that."

"Ta ra ta ra tat taraaa..."

"Stop it. You're being silly."

"Come on. You tau lyrics dia. Baru je tadi dengar."

"I'm not gonna sing in the car."

"Jom arrr..."

"No..."

"Kata demi kata, jalin dengan indah..."

"Shuussshhh! Hihihi..."

"Untuk menghuraikan, maksud hati..."

"Other people will see you, OK!"

"Ku beranikan diri, untuk memulainya, tapi mengapa bibirku tak dapat bergerak, terasa beraaaaat..."

"Hihihihi..."

"Stop giggling. Come on... Oh malunya hati ini, bila ku ingat saat itu..."

"Hahahaha..."

"Kami hanya saling berpandang, dan terdiam terpaku..."

"Oh bulan hanya dirimu..."

"That's it! Yang menyaksikan segalanya..."

"Oh bulan tolonglah daku katakan padanya, ku cinta dia..."

Selepas Lima Puluh Satu Tahun, Sembilan Bulan dan Empat Hari...

"I know you won't admit it but deep down, you're just a big old sentimental softie, betul tak?"

"Habuk laa..."

"I know..."

Window Shopping : Atau Kisah Pendek Seorang Innocent Bystander

"Babe, smell this."

"Mmmmm..."

"Nice kan?"

"Yup."

"You should buy this. I like the scent."

"Brand apa ni?"

"JPG."

"Apa?"

"Jean Paul Gol... Ok! Stop it! I know what you're trying to do."

"Apaaaa?"

"You purposely want me to mispronounce it kan?"

"I tak cakap apa-apa pun."

"Nee-Kay!"

"Loo-boo-tin!"

Birthday Present : The Saga Continues

"I know what you can get me for my birthday."

"Apa?"

"Any pair of Christian Loobootin shoes."

"Lou-bou-TAHN."

"What?"

"KRIS-ti-an lou-bou-TAHN."

"Whateverrrrr..."

"Sebut pun tak betul, ada hati nak pakai. Hehehe..."

"Okay, now I'm officially not speaking to you anymore."

"Kalau handbag Gacci boleh?"

"Eh, I remember once a guy I know who thought that his 'Nee-Kay' shoes were cool."

"Siapa?"

Tapak merah dia MEMANG seksi...

Stop Creeping Me Out! : Atau Hikayat Beruang Kutub Dari Greenland

"Babe..."

"Hmmm..."

"Have you ever had an imaginary friend? You know, when you were a kid?"

"Apa?"

"An imaginary friend."

"Tak pernah. Kenapa you tanya?"

"Saja..."

"You ada ke imaginary friend masa you kecik dulu?"

"Errmmm..."

"Ada la tu. Apa nama dia?"

"Tak kan you takde sorang imaginary friend..."

"Apa nama dia? Hehehe..."

"Dah lupa."

"Tipu. Saja you tak nak cakap kan?"

"Betul. Tapi I ingat yang dia duduk dalam fridge."

"Dia duduk dalam fridge? Tak sejuk ke?"

"Dia tahan sejuk. He's a talking polar bear."

"A talking polar bear? Sooo... Dia duduk lagi ke kat fridge you sekarang?"

"Tak lah... My mum halau dia one day."

"What?"

"One day, my mum caught me talking to him in the fridge. She probably saw me having this animated conversation with a milk carton or something and I think she freaked out because, I ingat lagi, the next day, in front of me, she pretended to speak to him and politely asked him to go back to his home in Greenland. She even opened the front door and everything."

"Lepas tu apa jadi?"

"Lepas tu dia balik la. My mum kata polar bears should live in Greenland. It's too hot here and that polar bears should live in cold countries where there's snow and ice."

"Mesti you sedih masa tu."

"I was a bit upset for a few days. And then something happened."

"Apa?"

"A talking rabbit arrived at my house."

"A talking rabbit?"

"He's really cute and he lives in my cupboard."

"Ermmm... Dia ada lagi ke kat situ?"

"Dia tidur sebelah my bras."

"Oooookaaaayyyy..."

Jangan risau. Fridge ini tidak berpenghuni. Cuma kurang di isi je...

Aku Dan Produk-Produk Brand Supermarket : Atau Satu Perbualan Pendek Yang Mungkin Penting (Tapi Sebenarnya Tidak)

"Babe. You pergi Tesco ke semalam?"

"Ha'ah. Lepas kerja. Kenapa?"

"Kenapa you beli facial wash yang takde brand?"

"Murah la."

"Cheapskate."


"Ehh... Apahal lak you ni?"

"Beli la yang ada brand. Its better."

"Mana you tau? Dah try sendiri?"

"Eeeeewwwww... Neverrrr..."

"Try la. Sama je. Benda-benda macam tu nak buat apa beli yang mahal-mahal."

"Typical male..."

"Pempuan..."

"Tengok tu. Shaver pun generic."

"I nak save duit so I boleh beli barang lain yang lagi penting."

"Such as?"

"Birthday present you."

"Tipuuu..."

"Memang."

"Hmmmppphhh!"

Aku Dapat Rasa Yang Encik Marquez Sedang Ketawa Terbahak-Bahak

"Babe. You dah baca dah buku ni? Best tak? Pinjam jap."

"Best. I suka. Eh... Kenapa you tanya? OMG! You've never read it before haven't you?"

"No... Why? You kenapa ni?"

"Hahaha... I can't believe this is happening. Selalu I yang ketinggalan but this time I've actually read something you haven't. I've read something you haven't! Hihihi..."

"Dah. Dah. Senyap."

"Kenapa you tak pernah baca buku Marquez before this?"

"Entahlah. I pun tak tau."

"So you're telling me that you have never, ever read any of his books before?"

"Nope. Tak pernah."

"One Hundred Years of Solitude? Love in the Time of Cholera? Chronicle of a Death Foretold?"

"Tak pernah."

"So... You nak pinjam yang mana?"

"Yang ni."

"Good choice. I really like the story. Babe... Nak tau tak apa jadi in the end?"

"You jangan nak mengada!"

"Last-last kan..."

"Lalalalalalalalalalalalala..."

Back To Basics

"Babe..."

"Hmmm..."

"You dah start balik baca SF ke?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Am I bothering you?"

"Huh?"

"Babe..."

"Hmmmm..."

"Your cat is peeing on your bike."

"Sure. Ok. I'll do it later."

33 sen yang Tak Ternilai

"Hello."

"Hi. You buat apa tu?"

"Kerje la. You?"

"Kerje gak. Ok. Byeee..."

"Kenapa you call?"

"Saje je. Hihi..."

Call summary
00:00:13

Call Pendek di Pagi Hari

"Babe... Adam kalah."

"Hello... Ada apa ni?"

"I baru tengok result 'American Idol'. Adam kalah. Sedihnya..."

"Huh?"

"Adam Lambert kalah... Huhuhu..."

"Adam mana ni?"

"You ni!!! Finalist favret I kat 'American Idol' kalah."

"Sooo...?"

"Dah lah. Malas call you lagi dah."

--click--

Aku, Ken Kesey dan Wad Mental

"Babe... Lately, you ni makin pelik la?"

"Pelik?"

"Haa laaa... You makin suka baca buku yang serious."

"Buku serious? Ehhh... SF tak serious sangat la. Kan banyak orang baca."

"I tak kisah sangat you baca cerita-cerita space you tu. Tapi ni haa... One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? Sebelum ni you baca buku Salinger. Sebelum tu you baca buku Sylvia Plath."


"So...?"

"The Bell Jar? Sejak bila you minat benda-benda macam ni? You demam ke? "

"Demam? Takde lah I ok je."

"You sure?"

"Kenapa ni?"

"I risau la. You sekarang macam dah lain je. Dah makin serious."

"You tak suka ke I macam ni?"

"Tak la macam tu. Tapi..."

"Lepas ni I nak baca 'On the Road' pulak."

"Ok... You ni siapa and what have you done to my boyfriend?"

Aku, Rock N Rolla dan cerita Sophie Kinsella

"Guy Ritchie is a genius! Genius. You ingat Guy Ritchie genius tak? I ingat dia ni genius."

"OK la kot."

"Ok? OK?! Movie of the year babe!"

(Nama mamat ni Johnny gak...)

"I tak minat sangat la cerita-cerita macam tu. Anyway... You dah janji kan tadi? Lepas ni kita tengok cerita I pulak."

"You nak tengok cerita apa?"

"Cerita yang I pilih la tadi. Dah lupa?"

"Babe. I lupa la. Besok I kena masuk ofis awal. Boss I dah pesan last week."

"Jangan nak mengada ehh! You promised!"

"Betuuul babe. Tak tipu. I kena..."

"Duduk situ diam-diam. I nak tengok cerita ni dengan you jugak. You promised."

"Ohh God..."

"Babe..."

"Hmmmm..."

"Shuuuush... Cerita dah nak start."